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| quote |
| 10.16.03 (3:38 pm) [edit] |
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I always wanted to be somebody, I should have been more specific.
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| Nobel Prize |
| 10.14.03 (2:05 pm) [edit] |
People Who Should've Won This Years Nobel Prize
1. Britney Spears & Eminem
Who, combined, have written more books than they''ve read.
2. Dr. Phil Mcgraw
Who has managed to convince millions of women to buy his self-help books,
despite the fact that his most high-profile patient, Oprah Winfrey, is an
overweight woman with serious commitment issues.
3. America''s Oil Companies
For a lifetime body of work proving that oil and water don''t mix.
4. Yasser Arafat & Ariel Sharon
For those 2 consecutive days last March when no Israelis or Palestinians killed
each other.
5. Bill Gates
For creating the X-Box and convincing Americans that their children need a $200
video game system during a recession.
6. The Editors of Maxim
For managing to create 300 magazine pages a month using no other subjects
besides beer and models.
7. Jared
Of the Subway Sandwich fame, whose claim of losing hundreds of pounds and
achieving optimum health by eating nothing but oversized, greasy heroes was
questioned by no one.
8. Jennifer Lopez
Who, in conjunction with DuPont, developed a synthetic fabric capable of
containing her ass.
9. That 300 Pound Guy
Who always manages to jam himself into the coach seat right next to yours on
coast to coast flights.
10. Glaxo
Who has managed to make "loose stools" a side effect of every one of the drugs
it produces.
:D
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| Robin Williams |
| 10.13.03 (4:57 pm) [edit] |
I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for
peace. So,
here's one plan:
1. The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs,
past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosovich and
the rest of those 'good ole boys.' We will never "interfere" again.
2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany,
South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station
troops at our borders. No one sneaking through holes in the fence.
3. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.
We'll
give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up
and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would
welcome them.
4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless
given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If
you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would
never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11
cashiers.
5. No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they
don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home, baby.
6. The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise.
This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require
a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have
to cope for a while.
7. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their
oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else
to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage
sites would be enough.)
8. If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not
"interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement
or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given
to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9. Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the
spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good
homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call
us "Ugly Americans" any longer. There Now, ain't that a winner of a plan. "The
Statue
of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled
masses.'
She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'" The
Language we speak is ENGLISH.....learn it...or LEAVE.
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| Robin Williams |
| 10.13.03 (4:51 pm) [edit] |
I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for
peace. So,
here's one plan:
1. The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs,
past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosovich and
the rest of those 'good ole boys.' We will never "interfere" again.
2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany,
South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station
troops at our borders. No one sneaking through holes in the fence.
3. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.
We'll
give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up
and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would
welcome them.
4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless
given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If
you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would
never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11
cashiers.
5. No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they
don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home, baby.
6. The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise.
This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require
a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have
to cope for a while.
7. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their
oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else
to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage
sites would be enough.)
8. If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not
"interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement
or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given
to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9. Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the
spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good
homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call
us "Ugly Americans" any longer. There Now, ain't that a winner of a plan. "The
Statue
of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled
masses.'
She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'" The
Language we speak is ENGLISH.....learn it...or LEAVE.
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| Robin Williams |
| 10.13.03 (4:51 pm) [edit] |
I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for
peace. So,
here's one plan:
1. The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs,
past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosovich and
the rest of those 'good ole boys.' We will never "interfere" again.
2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany,
South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station
troops at our borders. No one sneaking through holes in the fence.
3. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.
We'll
give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up
and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would
welcome them.
4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless
given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If
you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would
never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11
cashiers.
5. No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they
don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home, baby.
6. The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise.
This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require
a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have
to cope for a while.
7. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their
oil. If they don't like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else
to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage
sites would be enough.)
8. If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not
"interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement
or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given
to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.
9. Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don't need the
spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good
homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call
us "Ugly Americans" any longer. There Now, ain't that a winner of a plan. "The
Statue
of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled
masses.'
She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'" The
Language we speak is ENGLISH.....learn it...or LEAVE.
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| what what what? |
| 10.08.03 (4:15 pm) [edit] |
wait a minute.. but I thought?
First it was bush that I was worried about... The man can't tie his own shoes for god sakes.
Now we have a man whose political speeches mainly consist of references to the good old body building days.
Heh, our country is funny. We're happier with the pretty picture than what lies beneath. Schwarzenegger is a puppet for the sea of gray haired men with their fingers up his back... boy is that a nasty thought.
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| Life makes funny turns |
| 10.06.03 (1:14 pm) [edit] |
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one minute your crusing at 35 down a morning street and the next you've wrapped you car around the bumper of anothers. No one was hurt, but they could've been. It isn't brain surgery its luck. I don't envy those with worse luck than me. Life lessions.
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| good morning sunshine |
| 10.01.03 (10:54 am) [edit] |
I've concluded that in order to have a happy healthy relationship you need the following three things:
1) you need to be sexually and mentally aroused by your partner.
2) You should treat everyday with the same mystery and exploration as you did you first date.
3) Always find reasons to celebrate.
- You have fallen victim to an insight.
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| Rocky's Birthday!!! |
| 08.29.03 (5:09 pm) [edit] |
EVeryYBody:
"Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday dear Rocky........
Happy Birthday to you!
(and many more)
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| Bills suck |
| 08.25.03 (9:40 am) [edit] |
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W.T.F. why why why why why!!! Working sucks!!! Sucking sucks!!! "Eat a turd" that's what i want to tell everyone... I'm done now :)
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| what did i eat today: |
| 08.20.03 (6:07 pm) [edit] |
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Today I had left over pasta. Stuffed ravioli (cheese and spinich)... I give them a 5 out of 10.
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| hang over rating system |
| 05.30.03 (10:17 am) [edit] |
One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness.
You're able to function relatively well.
However, you are still parched.
You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way.
For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss.
You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun.
The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00AM
Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy.
You are definitely not productive.
Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.
Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns.
You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing.
You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke.
Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.
You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved oneside of your face.
(For the ladies, it looks like you put your makeup on while riding the bumper cars.)
Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts.
Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters
the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover, (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube.
Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.
You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you.
You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning.
Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in.
The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.
Death sounds pretty good right about now....
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| This guy Keith Peters is cool!This guy Keith Peter |
| 05.30.03 (9:11 am) [edit] |
Everyone should know about this man. He is a programmer that experiments with ActionScripting. Check out his work ;)
=http://www.YOURLINK.com
visit the lab.
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| its Tuesday. |
| 05.20.03 (11:59 am) [edit] |
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I like bop it.
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| John Cleese |
| 05.13.03 (10:48 am) [edit] |
"I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me."
John Cleese
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| yup |
| 05.13.03 (10:43 am) [edit] |
"Any idiot can get laid when they're famous. That's easy. It's getting laid when you're not famous that takes some talent."
-Kevin Bacon
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| I have to offer this link up! |
| 05.05.03 (10:47 am) [edit] |
http://www.waxy.org/archive/2003/04/29/st ar_war.shtml
seriously sooo funny.
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| quotes quotes quotes |
| 04.30.03 (2:51 pm) [edit] |
"Men who never get carried away should be."
Malcolm Forbes
"Kids Today: They Don't Know Dum Diddly Do"
Dave Barry
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| Celebrity Quotes: |
| 04.27.03 (2:15 am) [edit] |
"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."
Alfred Hitchcock.
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. "
David Letterman.
"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."
Groucho Marx.
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| famous people quotes |
| 04.27.03 (2:15 am) [edit] |
"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known."
Walt Disney
"God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time."
Robin Williams
"Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much."
John Wayne
"Show me someone who never gossips and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people."
Barbara Walters
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
John Lennon
"Failure is inevitable. Success is elusive."
Steven Spielberg
"The difficulty of doing a sex scene is that sex is the one thing in movies that your entire audience knows about. Nobody in the audience has been killed and most haven't taken a bullet or been in a brutal fight. Lovemaking, everybody's an expert."
Michael Douglas
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